Over the last
two years of my stay in the Delhi-NCR region, I have, along with my friends
from my native state, been overwhelmed by the differences in culture that exist
between the two regions. The difference is sometimes surprising and at other
times shocking. One of the many conflicts that succeeded in evoking “shock” in
me is definitely ‘parenting’. Although I have literally no access to any of the
households in my current neighborhood, the observations on the road or the
playground, to an extent, enable me to sum up the attitude of the young parents
of this generation.
Every evening,
when I return from office, I see parents- the father and/or the mother (in most
case, a mother) - pushing their children around in a perambulator. Certainly, while
the gentle breeze in the evening is the closest today’s children get to, to be
part of Nature and the temperature at dusk might just be conducive to the
baby’s health, there is something else that worries me. Consider a couple of
scenes from my daily observation:
1.
The mother chats with her friend over the mobile-phone,
while driving the carriage around. She is not to be blamed because pushing a
carriage around for an hour or a half isn’t the most interesting job in the
world; ennui drives her to play with the keys of her smart-phone. She might as well stop to talk to a neighbor
physically- a welcome break in the baby-carriage marathon!
2.
The lady is lucky to have her husband with her, while
pushing the child around; so, she has someone to talk to by her side. The
couple enjoys a nice evening-walk, while also taking care of the ever-widening
waist size. Dual purpose served! Other purposes might also include buying
grocery.
Now, in each of
the above scenarios, I haven’t talked about the baby- who should have been our
prime focus. What does the little thing do all this time? Doesn’t it get bored?
Does it “learn” all this while? Does it ‘evolve’? How does it react to the
external world i.e. outside of his/her family?
I get a feeling
that these are not important questions for the young parents of today. Educated
that they are, MS-Excel troubleshooting allures them more.
Recently, I saw
a couple traveling in a rickshaw (i.e. a tricycle). For those who don’t know,
rickshaws here have a front seat that accommodates two people and faces in the
direction of travel; there is another seat at the back which faces the opposite
direction. The couple I am referring to was sitting on the front seat and the
child was made to sit at the back, which essentially means that the couple was
sitting with their backs facing the back of the child. The kid was definitely not
more than four years old. The father was holding his son with one hand; all the
while busy gossiping with his wife as the child precariously held a rod to
support him, while questioning my gaze!
If I compare
the situation with the kind of parenting I have received or observed in the
area I come from, the difference is a wide gulf. A pram is something I rarely see
there, one of the many things I don’t miss. The advantage of living in a simple
middle-class neighborhood is that mothers do not need to worry about spoiling
the paint on the face and can keep their babies close to the bosom. That way, I
believe, albeit not supported by any scientific study, babies feel safe and
comfy. And comfort partly is a result of this safety. After all, you won’t feel
comfortable sitting in a BMW, with a gun held against your head!
Moreover, the
child learns from it being in the parent’s arms more than it would in a lonely
well-decorated carriage. This is precisely because it can now observe more
closely with its cute little eyes, try to comprehend the way parents talk,
react to a situation or laugh at a joke. Certainly, the baby might not be cognizant
of all these aspects and emotions, but unconsciously acquires ‘experiences’ from
the world, continuously adding to its kitty bricks that are vital to the
building of a human being. The kind of perambulators used here prevents
eye-contact between the child and the parent for most of the time. The touch of
a parent’s skin is always the most assuring one; they constantly nourish me
with courage and confidence and propel me to strive to reach the zenith to this
day. Surely the babies of today miss them!
The attachment between
parents and children is extremely important in deciding what the child grows to
be. To strengthen this bond, my view is: parents, especially mothers, should
care less often about whether the baby would wet the clothes or louse up her make-up;
instead she should pick the little-one up in her arms, throw it up in the air
and catch it back while it falls, to make it realize where refuge exactly resides.
Also, it’s always a better idea not to bore the child because it still can’t
indulge in philosophy; instead one should let him/her participate, laugh at the
innocent toothless giggles and respond to him/her. And although the parents
might be doing that at home, there’s no reason why they should behave
differently when outside!
