It’s extremely odd that I should be writing about this now, for this could indeed be demotivating for me in the first place. In fact, at this mature hour, I should be focusing on something very important; something most people believe is “life-changing”: the CAT examination, which in my case is due in two days. Like all serious rats in this marathon race, I am concerned about my performance in this test. All rats do fear the CAT. But why am I wasting my time writing this (more so when I know that I have not more than 5-10 regular readers of my blog), instead of taking another of those numerous “mock-tests”? Probably because this is where I find my true calling.
My eyes have been irritating relentlessly, a result of incessant computer-based mock-tests and other stuff for which I have been staring at the computer screen for hours together, without taking a break, while keeping an eye on the timer and trying to figure out the correct “choice” among probable answers instead of attempting to “solve” them. One of the several life-altering experiences that one goes through as one prepares for the big leap, I guess. CAT aspirants will know what I am talking about. A splash of water and get back to the next question! They say- “Sky is the limit” and the only strip of sky I see now is through my window, dark and clouded by affluent Noida constructions.
Besides, there’s a logjam. Like the ones you frequently get to see during the Parliament sessions- the ones that bring them to a screeching halt. But, this one’s inside my head. One part is unwilling to listen to another. I don’t know what those parts of the brain are called (the marks I earned in Biology in school bears testimony to the fact that I am not expected to know about this). But, I know one thing for sure that these parts are protesting: revolting against the “unnatural” exercises they’ve been asked to perform. May be they are planning to bring down the dictator in me. I wish them success!
One thing about when you’re racing against time is that you cannot “think” to best of your abilities. Probably the pattern of the examination is so designed as to find to-be-managers who would be capable of making decisions and solving problems at hand really fast. I, however, doubt that those decisions made over fast food might not necessarily the best. So, during CAT, when I read a very thought-provoking comprehension passage, I will be asked to keep my brain in the bag, along with my mobile-phone. For the use of brain would be limited to finding coherence between the questions and the “lines” in the passage. Those “lines” will never become food for my brain. (And if I try that, I am doomed!) If I find the questions “tricky”, I might have to skip a passage altogether. (I deeply empathize with the authors whose passages are used in a test where the students find no time to appreciate their creation!) I will have no time to indulge in a logical chain of conclusions beyond what is asked for in the paper, no time to contradict the author and no space for freedom of expression (I cannot laugh out loud if I find a piece amusing, for the guy beside me will be upset and the staff will throw me out of the hall). So, I’ll silently say to myself: LOL (i.e. without the exclamation sign).
So much is at stake over one test. Months of dedicated toil will mean nothing to the world if you get a stomach infection or a common cold on that day. No one would care if you reached the examination center late because your car broke down or if you met with an accident. Not that I want any of these to happen to anyone else or myself, I cannot rule the myriad possibilities out, given our limited control over the state of affairs around us at any point in time. So, if no one cares, why should I? “Sit back and relax”- that’s what I’ve told myself, for it’s more important for the people around you to know what you are capable of than one examination full of uncertainties decide it. Yes, it can yield me a prized seat in one of the IIMs, a handsome paycheck thereafter and a luxury undreamt of. At the same time, I don’t want to miss out on the little things that make me who I am, even if I don’t get there. You can say that I chose the ‘wrong’ examination. But, my friend, no examination is ‘right’ for me. So, once again, “Sit back and relax”.